What is sleep?

To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever gone through so many emotions in one week.

My experience at sleep school was more of a deep realisation how hard motherhood can push you to the absolute limit.

I hadn’t reachEd this depth because I used to pacify my son with my breast and co-sleeping let me actually get the shut eye I needed to be me the next day.

My experience at Tweedle Sleep School wasn’t bad, but extremely emotional. The women who assisted were amazing and provided a calm, nurturing environment. Especially in times of complete distress.

I reached my limit and wanted to give up in the early morning of our last day. It was our 3rd night, we had stopped breastfeeding to sleep and started to get some sort of new routine happening with the help and guidance of the tweedle support workers. I thought it wasn’t so bad…..

I put Maksim to sleep at 7pm, he woke at 8pm, I resettled. He then woke at 11:30pm, again I managed to resettle. Just like the nights before.

But then Maksim woke at 2:30am on the Friday morning which was pretty standard but the technique I had learned to resettle was not working, 3 hours later… and no relief, I broke. I was an absolute wreck, I called Lucas at 5:30AM and cried in hysterics telling him I couldn’t do it.

I felt so defeated and had no clue how I was going to survive especially when we were leaving sleep school that day.

I knew it wasn’t going to be an overnight fix, I knew it was going to take time and consistency. I just didn’t realise how much of myself was going to fall apart.

Sleep deprivation made me  crazy delirious and completely threw me out of whack. But I just had to solider on. I had to continue on with the day, It was really hard but I made it through.

Maks still isn’t self settling but we have accomplished little steps in the right direction. It’s going to take time but I know that we will eventually see a night that he will sleep through.

All in all, my stay at Tweedle was a positive one. I met some really beautiful people and even better mums. We all had our own reasons to why we were there and we were all so supportive of each other. It made my stay that more welcoming.

I walked away with some new tricks and  now officially stopped my breastfeed to sleep association and also weaned Maksi to only 1 – 2 feeds a day! Hooray 🎉