Relearning motherhood

I’m one of those gals that listens to a song, falls in love with it and in the moment says to thy self “this song is the soundtrack to my life”….

As I was driving to Croydon, about an hour drive from my house to go get a miracle colic mixture that was recommended by my sister in-laws friend.

I had the opportunity to listen to one of my favourite songs by Jose Gonzalez called Stay Alive.

I first fell in love with this song watching one of my favourite movies The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

(This movie by the way showcases some beautiful places in the world and has a great soundtrack and gives me the heart felt inspiration I need in my daily life every time I watch it)

Anyway, back to my driving thoughts.

The song made me realise what and how I was feeling, which I haven’t been able to do in a while.

As the song was playing, I would glance through the revision mirror looking at my children thinking “geez …I’m pretty lucky” and I guess the song was helping me understand that my life is about living for them now, but another part of me told me not to forget myself.

Unfortunately, as I had went through these highs and lows of emotions after giving birth (that I didn’t experience with my first son) it made me realise that I had forgotten about my self in a lot of ways and it was so bloody easy to do… and it has only been 8 weeks.

But just as the universe intends, you have to go through it in order to appreciate what it is that you’re doing, right?

So, of course this long drive with my music to get this miracle mixture to help my son be relieved from his colic pain has given me the opportunity to appreciate and understand where I am at right now.

It’s been a tough 8 weeks and I’m not joking, it has probably been one of the most rude awakenings I’ve ever experienced.

In regards to myself and my patience, in regards to my thoughts about raising children, in regards to my relationship with my husband and with that fact my relationship with everyone.

I don’t think I ever expected to really look at myself in this sort of way. But again, who am I kidding. We live in a time where self evaluation is the key to living an honest and happy life, which I have come accustomed to.

Not that I thought I was the #perfect mother and I had parenting all figured out but I found it really easy to look after one baby.

Add another child into the mix, especially one that has had colic and it was like …WOW what the hell have I gotten myself into.

But I know in my minds eye these times wouldn’t last long and I have to live up the chaos that is.

I’m not writing about this to scare new parents or people planning to have more than one child, I’m simply just saying that I, ME, have found it a tad more challenging than I thought it would be.

Not that I was hoping it’d be a walk in the park, just like my first but that’s exactly what I was hoping for…. gosh how ignorant I was. BIG LOLs.

I had so many people say “WOW you’re out of the house early, you just gave birth. You’re so good.”

But in all honesty I got out of the house to save my sanity and deal with my mental state.

Walking through parks or just walking in general makes me feel so much better and I find it a way to help cope with my thoughts.

Plus, I could walk… some women can’t depending on the trauma they had during birth.

If I didn’t get out of the house, I would have gone crazy and the melt downs I did have would have been 10 times worse.

There has been lots of tears & adjustments and I know from speaking with other parents, they know it happens.

Whether it be parenting one or more than one child, it’s just something you have to endure until it gets better. And it always does gets better.

In saying all of this, we need to give ourselves a round of applause because doing this makes us resilient superstars and carves us into being incredible human beings.

Now that I’m seeing the end of the newborn phase and my precious Roman is getting bigger and hoping this colic mixture actually works, we are going to move on with our lives and get out of that bubble. Because it is very easy to get stuck in that bubble.

It’s crazy and I wouldn’t change it for the world, and I’ll probably do it again……one day…. in a couple of years….NOT anytime soon….. but I’m sure I will end up doing this again and it’s going to be a crazy ride but I’ll end up loving the experience nonetheless.

Over and out, got mumma duties to attend to!

Love Fe

XX

“Chucks explosive poo nappy in the bin”