As I said in my last post, for me there is always two sides when it comes to pregnancy and I’m sure other women have these feelings too.

The positive side and the not so positive side.

The first 3 months of my pregnancy with Maksim, I was a wreck.

I was elated with absolute joy but then sad at times due to my natural grieving process of my mum and many other normal factors that us women go through in the early stages of pregnancy.

While our wonder woman bodies are building this child, the hormones surge and it makes me an emotional mess and I have found that this pregnancy has done just the same.

Don’t get me wrong, most of the time I’m good spirited, but the normal stuff I would normally shrug off without a worry, becomes extremely amplified.

I feel so much more deeply and I’m sensitive to people and the vibes that are around me.

I cry at the drop of a hat and sometimes I feel really alone and that’s when the feelings emerge and grieving my mum comes into play and I become the emotional sensitive Sally that needs a cuddle and the words of encouragement that everything will be ok!

Not only does the mental pressure skyrocket but physically, I suffer from acute acne on my face and neck that usually disappears after the 4 month.

Then you get the whole body stage of gaining weight but your not showing and you feel confused about what the hell your going to wear! Because really you just look like you’ve put on a few kilos.

But, I’m finding something new in this second pregnancy.

It’s not about me and one baby, it’s the thought of two babies.

My little Maksim will soon be walking and then BAM I have another new born, that may not get the devoted attention that the first little baby received & that worries me a little, because you do get this sense of guilt from two perspectives, one from Maksims perspective and the other from the Newborn, then throw in your husband and all of a sudden, I’m trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to spread myself out that much!

But I’ve figured it out.

It’s just going to happen, as life does, I’m going to be completely fine and my family are still going to receive all of me and my love will never stop. It’s just how it works.

After those early months of pregnancy hormones calm down, I get the mellow feelings that flood back. I become my happy self again and I get my mental and emotional power back.

In the end, pregnancy is a blessing and being a woman can be a tough gig, but I’m grateful and I solider on.

Because that’s what we have to do & I’m fortunate enough to even go through this process, because some of us don’t even get the chance!

Fe xx

Finally I get to share the amazing news, that I’m expecting my second child in October 2019, who is also a BOY 🎉

Our hearts are completely full and we cannot wait to meet the little guy and Maksim to be a big brother!

Let’s talk about the two sided coin of pregnancy shall we… positive side first of course!

Bring on the lush hair, strong nails, the belly bump, the glowing skin and all those things that make pregnancy beautiful and make you feel good.

Bring on the courtesy, because everyone is so much nicer to you when your pregnant.

You know, when your walking down the street or in a shopping centre, people are always so mindful and smile at you when your pregnant.

I loved it, I soaked that happiness vibe up.

Because it’s always so much nicer when people are nice to you, especially when your having a bad day on the inside!

I’m so happy to have hit the second trimester and that awful ecky feeling is starting to go.

Now that I’ve got Maksim into somewhat of a good sleep routine, and things have settled down from coming back from the holiday and sleep school.

I can now concentrate on this pregnancy and enjoy it for what it really is, because at the start it didn’t feel that way.

So, bring it all on and I can’t wait to share the journey 💕

I’ve had a chuckle to myself this morning thinking of what I was going to write about my wonderful week with Nana.

Everyday has been a highlight, she always manages to throw in life advice during different conversations.

A lot of the time she yells when giving it, mostly because she has lost some hearing but otherwise it’s just deep within her Maltese blood and how the culture communicates.

Are you even Maltese if you don’t speak like your talking into a speaker phone ??

Despite her 97th innings, Nana still doesn’t miss a beat.

She has shown me how to cook traditional Maltese dishes, given plenty of “constructive criticism” whilst doing it and we have had plenty of laughs.

On the day we made the Ravjul, we put on her favourite music and danced around the kitchen.

My sister and I, adored watching her in her element.

In order to really catch and hold on to these moments, I asked my nephew Lachlan to record it on video. I will post the video in a few days!

A really beautiful part of her stay has been watching her with my son, she can’t hold on to him for long because he wriggles way to much but she still sneaks in a few kisses when she can.

It was only last night that I told her that I had written about her and it was on the internet, she said “Everyone will see it?”,

I said yes, she shook her head and said “I’m famous enough!”

We both laughed and she gave me a big cuddle, a kiss and said “thank you.”

But really, it’s her I should be thanking.

Despite how demanding she can be at times (which in my eyes, is what she should be doing) she always manages to make me smile, laugh and not to sweat the small stuff!

In fact, she has that effect on everyone!

So thank you Queen Nana, I hope to have you scheduled for our next home stay, same time next year!

With all my love

Xx

Today, I’m sharing my love for one of the most inspirational people in my life.

My Nana, my Mother’s Mother, who will be staying with me over the next week.

I hold this woman so close to my heart, because she makes me feel as though my own my mother is still physically here.

The attributes she has as a woman are second to none, she has style, grace and the confidence that one could only dream of. She honestly astounds anyone who meets her.

She says what she is thinking and only wants the best for her family and herself.

She has lived through a world war, gave birth to 7 children and endured loosing two children and the love of her life to illness. She remained loving and loyal to her husband (my Nanu) and stood by him through the upmost toughest of times and tried to be the best mother she could be at the same time, and she carried these life experiences with the absolute elegance of a queen.

We have a running joke in our family that she is just that, “The queen”, “Queen Annie” and to our family… she truly is.

She travels back and fourth from Malta to Australia yearly and I make sure that I schedule for her to stay with me for a week or more, because I need a dose of the queen every chance I get.

She reminds me that I reign from her and that every part of her is hidden within myself and that I too have the strength, grace and elegance that she holds.

She also reminds me that I should always dress well, do my hair and speak kindly to others and to myself. Because if I don’t, she will most certainly tell me how I should be doing things.

She’s also very talented, in her hey days she was a seamstress.

She made all the clothing for herself and her children. Even up until now, she buys good quality material and gets things made to her own design. She would sew her own if she could, but her eyes and hands are starting to fail her.

She told me a story about my mum and how difficult it was for her to get this particular design of dress completed, because my mum wanted a very specific dress in a shop but Nana wanted to replicate it instead of wasting extra money. Being a mother/ daughter project, you could imagine the fireworks of Maltese fury when my mum thought things weren’t going to her particular design, in the end the dress was made just the way she wanted it and my mother loved it.

When my Nana comes to stay with me this week, we will be making home made Maltese ravjul (Ravioli) a traditional dish that I remember helping with when I travelled to Malta with my mum when I was in my early teens.

I want to continue making memories with her until our time runs out, because she’s a special kind of woman and I’m so grateful to be apart of her!

To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever gone through so many emotions in one week.

My experience at sleep school was more of a deep realisation how hard motherhood can push you to the absolute limit.

I hadn’t reachEd this depth because I used to pacify my son with my breast and co-sleeping let me actually get the shut eye I needed to be me the next day.

My experience at Tweedle Sleep School wasn’t bad, but extremely emotional. The women who assisted were amazing and provided a calm, nurturing environment. Especially in times of complete distress.

I reached my limit and wanted to give up in the early morning of our last day. It was our 3rd night, we had stopped breastfeeding to sleep and started to get some sort of new routine happening with the help and guidance of the tweedle support workers. I thought it wasn’t so bad…..

I put Maksim to sleep at 7pm, he woke at 8pm, I resettled. He then woke at 11:30pm, again I managed to resettle. Just like the nights before.

But then Maksim woke at 2:30am on the Friday morning which was pretty standard but the technique I had learned to resettle was not working, 3 hours later… and no relief, I broke. I was an absolute wreck, I called Lucas at 5:30AM and cried in hysterics telling him I couldn’t do it.

I felt so defeated and had no clue how I was going to survive especially when we were leaving sleep school that day.

I knew it wasn’t going to be an overnight fix, I knew it was going to take time and consistency. I just didn’t realise how much of myself was going to fall apart.

Sleep deprivation made me  crazy delirious and completely threw me out of whack. But I just had to solider on. I had to continue on with the day, It was really hard but I made it through.

Maks still isn’t self settling but we have accomplished little steps in the right direction. It’s going to take time but I know that we will eventually see a night that he will sleep through.

All in all, my stay at Tweedle was a positive one. I met some really beautiful people and even better mums. We all had our own reasons to why we were there and we were all so supportive of each other. It made my stay that more welcoming.

I walked away with some new tricks and  now officially stopped my breastfeed to sleep association and also weaned Maksi to only 1 – 2 feeds a day! Hooray 🎉

Well,

It’s been 4 days since we got back from New Zealand and I’m slowly finding my feet again after the kaos of travelling.

The first two days I did absolutely nothing. It was good but I was feeling anxious about all the things I needed to get done.

I had a pep talk with myself and got my arse into gear, cleaned the whole house and did, I don’t know ….6 loads of washing. (With Lucas’s help of course)

I needed to get stuff done before I started my journey at Sleep School.

As much as I love to say being a mother is the best thing, I’ve never really gone fourth and said that I suck at teaching my child to self settle and fall asleep on his own.

Instead, I breastfeed him to sleep and I also Co-sleep of a night.

So I’m here to learn new tricks and get guidance on this part of parenting in which I’m not so confident with.

Since my sons birth, I didn’t have trouble with breastfeeding which was a blessing but in order to get some sort of sleep with all the wakings & constant feeding times and after he out grew the bassinet, I started co- sleeping.

I was worried that Lucas would hate Maks being in the bed but in true Lucas fashion, he just went with it and wanted me to do whatever was easiest for me.

But it didn’t make things easier, I didn’t have a reason to put him in his own bed at night.

8 – 9 months down the track, Maks is getting bigger and I’m starting to miss being in bed with just Lucas. I missed him. I missed his night time snuggles.

So here we are!!

By the way, this really isn’t easy for me (hence why sleep school is my only option). As much as I’ve created a habit for Maks, I grew a little sleep attachment to him.

I’m actually going to miss my bed time cuddles and early morning wake up smiles from Maksi, but I know this is the best for us and our little family.

P.S I don’t regret co-sleeping one bit, it gave us both peace when we needed it.

The Woman X Collective is a space for women to come together, to inspire one another and to be here in their entire existence feeling free without any expectations or judgements.

Your love within wants to be shared and will inspire us all!

Fe xx